The Light in the Dawn

I have not always been Kai Luna. Well, I should say I have not always been aware of my being Kai Luna. Before there was Kai Luna, there was LaShānna; Shānna for short. Heavy emphasis on the long vowel sign over the ‘A’. For as long as I can remember, I have never related to my name. I remember once when I was younger, going to the flea market with my Mom. There was a vendor who created framed name meanings. I was hoping, that my name meant something like “intelligent” or “adventurer”. Ya know, something that encompassed who I knew myself to be. Nope. Instead, we went home with a framed “LaShanna: Dark Flower”[insert stale face here].
Have you ever stopped to contemplate your name? Our parents spend months and months planning the perfect name for us. Looking into meanings, and possible nicknames. We are given our names in hopes that we will live up to the feelings generated in our parents’ hearts when they hear it. Our destiny’s and names are chosen for us. How often do we stop to contemplate if we accept it? Let me just put out there, that I obviously stopped to contemplate it, many….many times. Before I was in middle school, I had hopes of growing up and changing my name to “Victoria”. The name sounded like someone royal, beautiful, strong, and admired”. All things I wanted to be and possess. Also, because I was obsessed with Posh Spice growing up(she was bae)!
When I got to Atlanta in 2009, I took the new journey as a doorway to reinvent myself. The first thing I did, was change my name. First I was Captain, which was then shortened to Cap(long story). As I began to embrace my masculinity, I sought a name that was more dualistic. That journey, produced Rhoman/Rho. Never Shanna, if I had the choice. There was always an awareness that another name belonged to me. As I tried on each name like a new outfit, I began to realize that it was my Spirit who had been asking to be addressed by her true name. All this time spent trying to find a name, and I was subconsciously trying to find Spirit. 
We are souls implanted in these fleshy forms, to experience life safely in this realm. I thought my awakening began, when i found meditation and yoga in 2014. No. My awakening began, the moment I understood that my given name was a choice and only applied to this body. January of 2016, I took some time in meditation to ask my Spirit what our name was. The next few days after, I began to see and hear the name Kai almost everywhere I went. Each time I would see or hear it, it felt like I was being rescesitated. Like a jolt of energy to my Spirit. So, I began to test out the name. I started introducing myself as Kai. I began to smile more at the sound of my name. Kai felt right. Kai made sense. Luna came, from my strong connection to La Luna. How beautiful, to put the two together?
Kai, in Wayuu, means “Sun”. It also means, “The one who brings the light in the dawn” and/or “the one who brings knowledge”. I am no “Dark Flower”. I am the light, and the lighthouse. I am the teacher, and the student. I am Sunshine, and illumination. I am moon, and shadow. Finding Kai Luna, has been…is…so fantastically Spiritual and ful-fulling. I do not recall, ever being as pleased to hear anyone refer to by my given name. Moral of the story,  is if your Spirit sends you the same message repeatedly, listen. Ask questions. Spirit will always respond. Spirit knows you best. Ask yourself who you truly are. Answer to your Kai Luna.

4 thoughts on “The Light in the Dawn”

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